so. i love watching the Lord of the Rings on a nice wintery day. there's something about a nice long movie on a cold day, & watching it while being wrapped up in a blanket. its wonderful~
anyway. i was watching the first one & it came to the middle where they are fleeing from the monster/demon guy that is in some sort of a cave-castle type thing (sorry. i wish i knew the technical names for all of these places).
anyway. Gandolff was standing up to the demon-guy & speaking magical words full of power to somehow try & stop the being from crossing.
anyway. the part that follows is maybe my favorite part in the entire trilogy. Gandolff raises his staff & speaks words filled with power & emotion. and truth...
"You shall not pass!"
there is something about that statement that is attempting to find it's place within me as i type this. i know that my thoughts are a bit jumbled & scattered, but this is what they are.
i wish that i had something like that in my life... a Gandolff who could stand up the forces that are up against me & not allow them to pass.
ive been having strange dreams lately. the other night i hung out with the bf. i fell asleep while we were watching tv & slipped into a a sleep willed with dreams. i was dreaming one of the most terrifying dreams that ive had in awhile, & when i woke up he was watching something with creepy music in the background. i had a hard time breathing & it took me awhile to shake those thoughts from my mind.
maybe im processing through things. maybe im not letting fear escape in my waking mind, so im needing to let it out through dreams? im not quite sure... maybe im just over-thinking it all? im not sure.
there are a lot of things going on and i feel like all of it has been thrown up in the air & i just have to wait for it to drop down & see what happens. i have a hard time with that. i am a planner & like knowing how things are going to go or turn out or... the list goes on.
so. there's all of that. im finishing the night off with the new episode of the big bang theory & hoping for a restful night's sleep.
thanks for reading~
L
Friday, January 20, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
this is what i needed today. listen to the song & read the lyrics. maybe they'll change your life a little, too~
(click the link for the video)
L
(click the link for the video)
L
Rich Mullins
There's more that rises in the morning
Than the sun
And more that shines in the night Than just the moon It's more than just this fire here That keeps me warm In a shelter that is larger Than this roomAnd there's a loyalty that's deeper
Than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs That I can sing The stuff of Earth competes For the allegiance I owe only to the giver Of all good thingsCHORUS:
So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through And if I can't, let me fall on the grace That first brought me to You And if I sing let me sing for the joy That has born in me these songs And if I weep let it be as a man Who is longing for his homeThere's more that dances on the prairies
Than the wind
More that pulses in the ocean Than the tide There's a love that is fiercer Than the love between friends More gentle than a mother's When her baby's at her sideAnd there's a loyalty that's deeper
Than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs That I can sing The stuff of Earth competes For the allegence I owe only to the Giver Of all good thingsCHORUS(2x)
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home
Friday, January 6, 2012
so. ive been debating if i want to right a "holiday recap" post, or if i wanted to skip past that & post about something else that ive had on my mind.
meh. that's how i feel about it all. i dont really have that big of a writing bug. i have things that i want to say, but at the same time i dont really have much to report.
im still alive. im still on the hunt for a job. im still dating the bf (hey! thats a good thing!) im still... here i guess.
still feeling out of sorts a bit. attempting to find the place that i belong. i know that everyone feels like that at some point in their lives... if not more than once. i just dont like it. i know that youre probably supposed to be learning new things & attempting to somehow get your life together... but its not necessarily all that exciting.
but, like i said. im still alive, so that's gotta count for something, right?
anyway. christmas was good thing year. long. eventful. tiring. stressful. exciting. new. etc. it was nice to see family. meet new people. enjoy the not-so-cold winter.
haha, the one day that i actually needed to travel, it decided to snow. thankfully once the cities were reached, it stopped. but that did not stop us from hitting the ditch on the way home from MI. thankfully i have a quick-reacting/thinking bf who didnt freak out as we almost drove into oncoming traffic. and thankfully we didnt get stuck. he was pretty impressed that i sorta just sat there & didnt freak out. i guess we're2 somewhat level-headed people. i was impressed by the both of us.
we had a great drive back. the drive there was very tiring as we both had very little sleep the night before. but, like i said... the drive back was fun. played a lil q&a. ate food. stopped at bathrooms. ran inside as fast as we could because it was so freaking cold.
it was fun. i think he maybe even enjoyed it, too :)
anyway. that's about all of the exciting news that ive got.
i think we're going to a basketball game soon. like couple days soon. score one for this girl! im super pumped. i love a good ol' bball game :)
anyway. thats really all ive go. i hope that you all had a wonderful christmas & a merry new year.
next up for holidays? February... blah. thankfully ive got 25 days to mentally prepare.
oh. enjoy the couple of christmas pics.
peace & blessings.
L
meh. that's how i feel about it all. i dont really have that big of a writing bug. i have things that i want to say, but at the same time i dont really have much to report.
im still alive. im still on the hunt for a job. im still dating the bf (hey! thats a good thing!) im still... here i guess.
still feeling out of sorts a bit. attempting to find the place that i belong. i know that everyone feels like that at some point in their lives... if not more than once. i just dont like it. i know that youre probably supposed to be learning new things & attempting to somehow get your life together... but its not necessarily all that exciting.
but, like i said. im still alive, so that's gotta count for something, right?
anyway. christmas was good thing year. long. eventful. tiring. stressful. exciting. new. etc. it was nice to see family. meet new people. enjoy the not-so-cold winter.
haha, the one day that i actually needed to travel, it decided to snow. thankfully once the cities were reached, it stopped. but that did not stop us from hitting the ditch on the way home from MI. thankfully i have a quick-reacting/thinking bf who didnt freak out as we almost drove into oncoming traffic. and thankfully we didnt get stuck. he was pretty impressed that i sorta just sat there & didnt freak out. i guess we're2 somewhat level-headed people. i was impressed by the both of us.
we had a great drive back. the drive there was very tiring as we both had very little sleep the night before. but, like i said... the drive back was fun. played a lil q&a. ate food. stopped at bathrooms. ran inside as fast as we could because it was so freaking cold.
it was fun. i think he maybe even enjoyed it, too :)
anyway. that's about all of the exciting news that ive got.
i think we're going to a basketball game soon. like couple days soon. score one for this girl! im super pumped. i love a good ol' bball game :)
anyway. thats really all ive go. i hope that you all had a wonderful christmas & a merry new year.
next up for holidays? February... blah. thankfully ive got 25 days to mentally prepare.
oh. enjoy the couple of christmas pics.
peace & blessings.
L
(my "soxy" christmas socks.
(yep. i made those.)
(we enjoy spunkiness sometimes.)
Thursday, December 15, 2011
So, there are times that a topic stirs me, & the first thing i want to do is sit down & blog about it & just rant. go on & on about it & then im done... then i feel a bit better about what's going on.
ive had this blog post within me for the past few weeks. months maybe... and finally i feel like maybe, MAYBE it's the right time for me to maybe write about it. so, here goes.
bullying. it's all over the news. it's everywhere. you cant turn your head without hearing awful stories about kids who are afraid to go to school. or who are being thrown into lockers.
all because theyre different. because someone else is more insecure than they are. because they dont fit into the perfect little box that everyone says they should fit into.
i remember those days. i still have dreams about being back in school & having the bullies on the bus completely coming after me. not with their fists, but with their words.
when i was in jr. high, i had a dream that i was on the bus & i finally got to tell one of the girls what i truly felt. that she was mean & rude & that nobody really liked her but that they were afraid of her. i remember waking up with a rush of adrenaline. i wondered if it was finally my time to be able to stand up to one of the many people who had tormented me & finally be able to say what im thinking. to be able to stand up for myself.
yes, i realize that my words were not kind either.
i remember after that dream that i did have a moment on the bus where i tried that. but it all went wrong. i couldnt attack with words like she could. that, and im an emotional being. i cry when im happy, sad, angry, etc. SO, the odds were clearly against me.
from that day forward, i told myself that when i got older i would change that. why? because then i would be an adult & i would be able to speak up & say my mind. i would finally be able to tell all of the bullies out there, that what they are doing is wrong. tell them that i am sorry that they have issues in their life where they feel like its OK to belittle others so that they can feel better about themselves.
well. the older i get, the more i realize that it's not that easy. that life doesnt always work that way.
and maybe its not like that. maybe there are people out there who can speak up & out against those who feel the need to put others down. i guess i just havent found that voice within me yet. and im really struggling with that.
a part of me feels that i let down the 12 year old me. i thought for sure i would be doing bigger things. that i would have a platform or at least a voice to be able to speak out against those things.
but. maybe my place to say those things is here. or maybe it just turned into more of an action... a way to live my life... instead of using words.
i guess im not sure. i dont really know. what i do know is that i have no tolerance for it. even thinking about it triggers me & feel sick & start crawling out of my skin.
what i do know is that it doesnt necessarily go away even when youre older.
the 12 year old me didnt necessarily know the grace that i do now. but i do know that ive always had a bit of kindness in my heart. so i think that i would go a little easy on me...
so maybe that's what we should all do. just go easy on each other. we dont know where anyone's coming from. hurts are always deeper than we ever imagine.
so. . .
be kind. it wont always go unnoticed.
lgv.
ive had this blog post within me for the past few weeks. months maybe... and finally i feel like maybe, MAYBE it's the right time for me to maybe write about it. so, here goes.
bullying. it's all over the news. it's everywhere. you cant turn your head without hearing awful stories about kids who are afraid to go to school. or who are being thrown into lockers.
all because theyre different. because someone else is more insecure than they are. because they dont fit into the perfect little box that everyone says they should fit into.
i remember those days. i still have dreams about being back in school & having the bullies on the bus completely coming after me. not with their fists, but with their words.
when i was in jr. high, i had a dream that i was on the bus & i finally got to tell one of the girls what i truly felt. that she was mean & rude & that nobody really liked her but that they were afraid of her. i remember waking up with a rush of adrenaline. i wondered if it was finally my time to be able to stand up to one of the many people who had tormented me & finally be able to say what im thinking. to be able to stand up for myself.
yes, i realize that my words were not kind either.
i remember after that dream that i did have a moment on the bus where i tried that. but it all went wrong. i couldnt attack with words like she could. that, and im an emotional being. i cry when im happy, sad, angry, etc. SO, the odds were clearly against me.
from that day forward, i told myself that when i got older i would change that. why? because then i would be an adult & i would be able to speak up & say my mind. i would finally be able to tell all of the bullies out there, that what they are doing is wrong. tell them that i am sorry that they have issues in their life where they feel like its OK to belittle others so that they can feel better about themselves.
well. the older i get, the more i realize that it's not that easy. that life doesnt always work that way.
and maybe its not like that. maybe there are people out there who can speak up & out against those who feel the need to put others down. i guess i just havent found that voice within me yet. and im really struggling with that.
a part of me feels that i let down the 12 year old me. i thought for sure i would be doing bigger things. that i would have a platform or at least a voice to be able to speak out against those things.
but. maybe my place to say those things is here. or maybe it just turned into more of an action... a way to live my life... instead of using words.
i guess im not sure. i dont really know. what i do know is that i have no tolerance for it. even thinking about it triggers me & feel sick & start crawling out of my skin.
what i do know is that it doesnt necessarily go away even when youre older.
the 12 year old me didnt necessarily know the grace that i do now. but i do know that ive always had a bit of kindness in my heart. so i think that i would go a little easy on me...
so maybe that's what we should all do. just go easy on each other. we dont know where anyone's coming from. hurts are always deeper than we ever imagine.
so. . .
be kind. it wont always go unnoticed.
lgv.
Friday, December 9, 2011
so, im all about learning new things about myself, even if it takes a little work to get there. i like to think that im pretty aware of myself, even possibly to the point where i start to drive myself a little crazy about it.
ive always been known as the loud one. hey. im one of 6 kids. i have to be heard somehow, right? right.
ive never been one who has really every shied away from the spotlight. i enjoy performing in public. i enjoy people. i love interacting & i sometimes feed off of it. when i worked retail, i rocked customer service like there was no tomorrow!
however, that's work. that's my job. my job was to entertain customers & be sweet & kind & friendly. i know how to do that and i like to think that im pretty good at it.
ive realized more & more that at the end of the day i need more time to myself than ive ever really thought. i start getting sweaty & feeling like i will literally crawl out of my skin.
i was once called an complete extrovert by a lady that i used to work with. i almost laughed in her face when i started explaining what im really like at home. that i enjoy reading a good book at a great coffee shop with great coffee. maybe sitting next to a friend & having a deeper conversation, but i dont know if i need that in there.
at the end of the day, i need my space. i need to hop in a car & driving & listen to my music. just me & sweet delicious goodness for my ears.
so there you have it. as gregarious as i may be, im an introvert at heart. and i need my space. so back off.
haha not really... but kind of! :)
so. there you have it. i enjoy learning new things about myself every day. i mean ive known about this for awhile, but i just need to remind myself of that. that sometimes i get stressed & just need a break. and then bring on the world again~!
that's all. hope your weekend is well~
ive always been known as the loud one. hey. im one of 6 kids. i have to be heard somehow, right? right.
ive never been one who has really every shied away from the spotlight. i enjoy performing in public. i enjoy people. i love interacting & i sometimes feed off of it. when i worked retail, i rocked customer service like there was no tomorrow!
however, that's work. that's my job. my job was to entertain customers & be sweet & kind & friendly. i know how to do that and i like to think that im pretty good at it.
ive realized more & more that at the end of the day i need more time to myself than ive ever really thought. i start getting sweaty & feeling like i will literally crawl out of my skin.
i was once called an complete extrovert by a lady that i used to work with. i almost laughed in her face when i started explaining what im really like at home. that i enjoy reading a good book at a great coffee shop with great coffee. maybe sitting next to a friend & having a deeper conversation, but i dont know if i need that in there.
at the end of the day, i need my space. i need to hop in a car & driving & listen to my music. just me & sweet delicious goodness for my ears.
so there you have it. as gregarious as i may be, im an introvert at heart. and i need my space. so back off.
haha not really... but kind of! :)
so. there you have it. i enjoy learning new things about myself every day. i mean ive known about this for awhile, but i just need to remind myself of that. that sometimes i get stressed & just need a break. and then bring on the world again~!
that's all. hope your weekend is well~
Sunday, December 4, 2011
3 posts in one day?
ugh. yes. that sounds exactly like my day today...
do you ever find yourself "in-between"? im a person who is in-between 2 jeans sizes & its really frustrating. thankfully, this post is not about my jeans & how the ones that im wearing may or may not be fitting at the moment...
what im actually talking about is seasons. not fall, winter, heaven, or spring but rather seasons of life.
i feel like an awkward jr high girl whose body is all grown up but yet she's rather restricted.
i dont fit into season a really well anymore... but im not yet into season b yet either.
i dont really fit into this group here... but i dont really fit into this other group over there.
and im not exactly sure how to go about any of it. i feel as if im walking around not knowing which way is up. and just when i think ive gotten past of a season figured out, it turns out i was wrong. and im not really sure what to do about any of it.
i know that everyone goes through this & its not an age thing by any means.
but i definitely am feeling awkward. out of sorts. i know a few things, but yet i know nothing at all.
its like im all dressed & ready for summer, but spring has to finish itself out first. but im dressed for summer. and i dont want to dig out all of my winter clothes...
so do i just stand my ground & plunge ahead into spring knowing all too well that i am going to freeze? im not quite sure if i can answer that yet.
so instead. i will just continue wandering around being full of conflict. full of knowing what i want, but not really having a tangible way to get at it.
yes, i know waiting & searching & all of those other things are all a part of the journey. i get that & see the merit & beauty in it.
but this isnt like that, i dont think. its more like this. im harvey two-face from the batman movie. im not a bad guy but im also not a good guy. im just going around trying to get the job done with the tools that ive got. granted, his job was revenge but im just using it as a light comparison...
so. there's that. that's just the tip of the iceberg of my thoughts, processing, & sorting for the day.
i wish i could find a place to just fit. haha. michael w. smith's "place in this world" just popped into my head... that's exactly how i feel. yet not quite...
man! and this is just a small glimpse into my psyche! i should say that i am doing quite well. im just running at 100mph...
and it's not helping that im popping up onto people's radars (that i dont necessarily want to be on) and that my dreams are making me go a little crazy.
so. there's all of that. tomorrow me & some friends are heading up to the mall for a bit of christmas shopping. me. shopping. i just crawled out of my skin thinking about it. i know it'll be fun. i just need to focus...
so. once again, thank you all for reading. if any of this makes sense to you, maybe im not so crazy after all!
or maybe we both are...
lgv
ugh. yes. that sounds exactly like my day today...
do you ever find yourself "in-between"? im a person who is in-between 2 jeans sizes & its really frustrating. thankfully, this post is not about my jeans & how the ones that im wearing may or may not be fitting at the moment...
what im actually talking about is seasons. not fall, winter, heaven, or spring but rather seasons of life.
i feel like an awkward jr high girl whose body is all grown up but yet she's rather restricted.
i dont fit into season a really well anymore... but im not yet into season b yet either.
i dont really fit into this group here... but i dont really fit into this other group over there.
and im not exactly sure how to go about any of it. i feel as if im walking around not knowing which way is up. and just when i think ive gotten past of a season figured out, it turns out i was wrong. and im not really sure what to do about any of it.
i know that everyone goes through this & its not an age thing by any means.
but i definitely am feeling awkward. out of sorts. i know a few things, but yet i know nothing at all.
its like im all dressed & ready for summer, but spring has to finish itself out first. but im dressed for summer. and i dont want to dig out all of my winter clothes...
so do i just stand my ground & plunge ahead into spring knowing all too well that i am going to freeze? im not quite sure if i can answer that yet.
so instead. i will just continue wandering around being full of conflict. full of knowing what i want, but not really having a tangible way to get at it.
yes, i know waiting & searching & all of those other things are all a part of the journey. i get that & see the merit & beauty in it.
but this isnt like that, i dont think. its more like this. im harvey two-face from the batman movie. im not a bad guy but im also not a good guy. im just going around trying to get the job done with the tools that ive got. granted, his job was revenge but im just using it as a light comparison...
so. there's that. that's just the tip of the iceberg of my thoughts, processing, & sorting for the day.
i wish i could find a place to just fit. haha. michael w. smith's "place in this world" just popped into my head... that's exactly how i feel. yet not quite...
man! and this is just a small glimpse into my psyche! i should say that i am doing quite well. im just running at 100mph...
and it's not helping that im popping up onto people's radars (that i dont necessarily want to be on) and that my dreams are making me go a little crazy.
so. there's all of that. tomorrow me & some friends are heading up to the mall for a bit of christmas shopping. me. shopping. i just crawled out of my skin thinking about it. i know it'll be fun. i just need to focus...
so. once again, thank you all for reading. if any of this makes sense to you, maybe im not so crazy after all!
or maybe we both are...
lgv
ok! a little fun to throw in here...!
i survived my trip to michigan! not like it was something that needed to be survived, but i had a great time!
it's a really long drive. really. we left the city around 2pm & pulled in around 815pm. i was so tired & my eyes were so sore from driving at night in a deer infested area. after possibly 5 bathroom/snack stops we made it. and it was great!
time was spent with family & friends & pounds of food were eaten! heck, we even had a few moments to just sit back & enjoy each other's company.
thanksgiving was filled with food & football! the football part was new to me, but the food was tasty & delicious :)
it was a ton of fun meeting new people & being welcomed so warmly into a group of such great people! we played a few games, drank some beer, ate some food, told some GREAT stories! (oh man... stories are fun.)
anyway. like all good things, they must end in someone sick. ugh... :p
a day that involves a donut for breakfast. curly fries & a soda for lunch. buffalo chicken wings for dinner. and NO SLEEP. oh, let's add a day full of shopping in there, too. its going to end in awfulness for me. yep. i was so sick. couldnt eat. couldnt necessarily sleep. couldnt really do much of anything without feeling sick to my stomach. and then the stress of actually being sick & making sure that everyone else is ok... geez! all of that piled up & ka-BLAM! i am sick!
i was so bummed because they were deep-frying chicken & it just sounded so good. however... my stomach just couldnt handle it. so, i downed some sprite & ate some chicken noodle soup & ended up being somewhat ok.
at least i have some tips for next time: LAUREN! DO NOT GO TO BED AT 4AM WHEN YOU KNOW YOUR BODY WILL WAKE YOU UP AT 7AM! IT IS NOT A GOOD IDEA!!!!!!
there. i think that advice will stick with me... :)
so. it was good. heck, he's still dating me so i mustve done something right ;)
anyway. ill post a pic at the bottom. it's kinda sweet... :)
but. if you could please keep praying. still have applications out everywhere. still looking for a job. still feeling a little anxious about that.
alright blog readers. thanks for your reading. and kindness. im slowly finding out that more & more people are reading my blog. it changes my life to hear that. thanks for caring :)
XO.
lvo
i survived my trip to michigan! not like it was something that needed to be survived, but i had a great time!
it's a really long drive. really. we left the city around 2pm & pulled in around 815pm. i was so tired & my eyes were so sore from driving at night in a deer infested area. after possibly 5 bathroom/snack stops we made it. and it was great!
time was spent with family & friends & pounds of food were eaten! heck, we even had a few moments to just sit back & enjoy each other's company.
thanksgiving was filled with food & football! the football part was new to me, but the food was tasty & delicious :)
it was a ton of fun meeting new people & being welcomed so warmly into a group of such great people! we played a few games, drank some beer, ate some food, told some GREAT stories! (oh man... stories are fun.)
anyway. like all good things, they must end in someone sick. ugh... :p
a day that involves a donut for breakfast. curly fries & a soda for lunch. buffalo chicken wings for dinner. and NO SLEEP. oh, let's add a day full of shopping in there, too. its going to end in awfulness for me. yep. i was so sick. couldnt eat. couldnt necessarily sleep. couldnt really do much of anything without feeling sick to my stomach. and then the stress of actually being sick & making sure that everyone else is ok... geez! all of that piled up & ka-BLAM! i am sick!
i was so bummed because they were deep-frying chicken & it just sounded so good. however... my stomach just couldnt handle it. so, i downed some sprite & ate some chicken noodle soup & ended up being somewhat ok.
at least i have some tips for next time: LAUREN! DO NOT GO TO BED AT 4AM WHEN YOU KNOW YOUR BODY WILL WAKE YOU UP AT 7AM! IT IS NOT A GOOD IDEA!!!!!!
there. i think that advice will stick with me... :)
so. it was good. heck, he's still dating me so i mustve done something right ;)
anyway. ill post a pic at the bottom. it's kinda sweet... :)
but. if you could please keep praying. still have applications out everywhere. still looking for a job. still feeling a little anxious about that.
alright blog readers. thanks for your reading. and kindness. im slowly finding out that more & more people are reading my blog. it changes my life to hear that. thanks for caring :)
XO.
lvo
(i will say this: my boyfriend can grow a pretty great beard.)
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