Thursday, July 22, 2010

Body & Soul

Wow, it's been awhile since ive had a great blog post that ive felt really good about. This next one has been on my mind a lot lately, and i hope you enjoy~

Food and i have a love/hate relationship, and i wish i could say that its more love than hate.

As ive been on this journey to figuring out my life and getting it back into order (somewhat) ive realized that i have issues with food. The first thing that i used to do when i was stressed was to immediately stop eating, and move away from anything that even looks like food. The smell of food completely throws me off, and i just cannot recover from it. Its ridiculous. I have an idea as to how it started, but its just not something to share right now.

Anyway, as ive been on this journey of self-discovery i have gotten a lot better at this. Basically, i have been forcing myself to just push through when i had been feeling anxious or stressed. Another thing that i did was, if i was stressed i would skip one meal, so that i was super hungry for the next and i would have no choice but to eat. 

Ok, so im realizing now that this may seem a bit alarming to some. Its ok. im healthy. I have been doing so much better. Im eating at meals, im eating when im hungry, and im just trying to stay healthy through it all. 

Now, all of that being said... ive been wondering if it hasnt been a blessing in disguise...

When i get stressed, instead of feeding my physical body, i would quickly go and play music. In a sense, feeding my spiritual body. 

I have been thinking about that so much more lately... the moment i get stressed, i immediately need to release it somehow. That usual release is through listening to music and just feeling my feelings through the music & lyrics....

The music changes depending on my mood. I have a playlist for rage... a playlist for sorrow... a playlist for rest.... a playlist for everything...

Im thankful for my love of music. Im thankful for a family that shares that love. Im thankful for friends that share that love. Im thankful that i have the opportunity to listen to great, deep, thought-provoking music. 

Lately i have been listening to Mumford & Sons. Their music is poetry to my heart, and it feeds my soul.

Im not sure exactly why i wrote this post, but im looking at it as a sort of therapy... a place where i can share my thoughts, and just really be honest. I feel like i have something to give and i want to share with others some things that have helped me or some things that i have learned...

So... here are some lyrics to a song that i have enjoyed lately... its just beautiful and wonderful. Enjoy~

Courageously feeding my body & soul,

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."-- Joshua 1:9

That will forever be my way of thinking as i go through life. 
Yesterday i decided to go for it. to go out and be courageously brave. 
i gave the lady my deposit, and picked out my font. 
I now have the Word of the LORD tattooed onto my body forever.
Here's some of the story behind it...

Someone once told me that Joshua was a great book of the Bible to read, so i dug in. 
The first chapter repeated over and over about being strong and courageous. 

Now, strong & courageous is not something that ive always been, and i still feel like i am no where even close to being those things as much as i would like. However, it stuck with me. i couldnt get enough of it. i quickly memorized the verse and continued on trying to live my life in that way. 

ive traveled the world. i have 4 sisters (come on. that takes strength and courage!). i do things that some people wont even think about doing. 

also. something that takes a lot of courage for me is letting people know bits and pieces of my life. some things its fine to share, but sometimes its really hard sharing the most important piece of my life, because of the fear of what other people will think.

when i first meet new people who are not professing christians, i have a really hard time telling them that i am. why? fear of judgment. the fear of what they will now think of me. the fear that they will think i am the extreme case who goes out and protests outside of abortion clinics, and who thinks all homosexuals are going to tell. the kind of christian who thinks that drinking is a sin, and that if you are a christian you just shouldnt watch certain kinds of movies. 

but im not. im not one of those extreme christians. i know what i believe, and why i believe it. its not just something that i treaded lightly into. yes, at first i just believed because thats how i was raised, but thats no way to make choices and certainly no way to live.

so. to be able to go into the tattoo place and tell them what i want imprinted onto my body forever was a courageous act in itself. i was embarrassed at first. the whole time i kept thinking of what the lady behind the desk was thinking about me. so in reality, i was judging her for thinking she was judging me. whoa! say what?! sounds completely messed up, i know.

here's the deal. now that i have it, there is no escaping my identity. there is no escaping that i call on Jesus my Lord & Savior. if you didnt know it before, you know it now. 

and im so thankful for it. im moved to tears just thinking about it. moved by the fact that i would hide that fact about me so that i could appear "cool" and not be "judged." in those instances where i thought i was or would be judged, i probably wasnt. i just didnt even want to give people the chance to judge me. 

So world. there you have it. this is what i believe. that is the main reason for getting my tattoo. that, and i want a reminder to live the way that i should. and its there forever. when i have grandchildren some day they will ask me about it. and then i cal tell of my journeys and adventures that i had in my youth. what a beautiful and sacred thought. its something that no one can take from me. and im so thankful for that.

so there you have it. the reason behind the tattoo. the reason i live my life the way i do. the reason that i am as crazy as i seem. 

i dont have any good pics of it yet. my sister in law has some on her camera. but i will share them when i do!

thank you all so much for being a part of this journey with me. i know some of you may not agree with this decision, but thats ok. im thankful that i did it. and i think that 80 years from now i still will be thankful for it. unless i start forgetting everything. then it will be a simple reminder of days gone by.

Courageously sharing my life,


It's official.
i have a tattoo.
Joshua 1:9
will blog about it and its meaning later.

Courageously going against the grain,