Well, the lenten season has officially started. This year i decided to give up Facebook for lent.. apparently that's the thing to give up these days (or so i've been told)!
so far it's. . . strangely enough it's actually really difficult for my extroverted-self. im slowly realizing things about myself that ive started thinking about, but havent really thought to process it much.
Within the last couple of days, i've realized that i tend to guard myself. Hmm, let me rephrase that. I tend to guard certain areas of myself are certain areas of people.
i know my audience. i know who to share what with & thankfully ive learned what not to share. but what happens when the people that you share certain things with are unavailable? then what?
then you have to become vulnerable with other people. . . and that is a scary thing to do . it's something that immediately makes me lack courage & be afraid of rejection. not necessarily rejection of myself, but of things that i love or hold dear to myself. . .
my husand & i talk about this often & how we want to be able to share music & movies that speak into the deepest places of ourselves with each other. i know that deep within ourselves we want to love every part of each other (good or bad), but that we dont necessarily have the best timing or the kindest choices or words...
i share a bit of music here... he shares a bit of music there... and usually it ends with both of our feelings being hurt.
*disclaimer: i love my husband more than i ever could have ever imagined i could love someone. i find that every day we learn something new & (sometimes) wonderful about each other & i am very thankful for that. we're learning... it takes time... *
...now to make my point..
i am finding it difficult to not be able to share all of the things that i love, & random stupid things that i say, with others. it's nice to just be able to share & have one or two people "like" a status. or comment on how they either agree or disagree...
it's the feeling of being able to communicate with others when i am alone. the extrovert in me craves that.
so, for now it's me against the facebook machine. im still hanging in there. i find myself craving those interactions... im trying to figure out how to take some of those "relationships" & make them real... & true... and not just half-hearted "helllos".
so, what does that look like during this season?
*being deliberate about spending time with my husband*
*attempt to build true & honest relationships with friends*
*attempt to not always feel the need for validation (yeah. im not brave enough to write about that one yet)*
thanks for listening~
thanks for listening~