alright, my battery is dying & i should attempt to get to bed early, so i'll try to make it quick.

i start a new job tomorrow. my first since my wonderful job that i had to leave when i got married. . .

im nervous. im not sure if ive touched base on it here or not, but i have been struggling with anxiety a lot lately. and hardcore.

my latest episodes usually end with my worshipping the porcelain throne & i am terrified that will happen tomorrow.

actually, i think im afraid that i'll cry. i dont want to cry.

im super excited to start something new, but my personality doesnt allow for me to not be good at things right away. i find that if i dont catch onto something, then i give up because i feel dumb & hate feeling dumb.

i really hate that.

so, im trying to tell myself the truth. im trying to give myself grace & kindness & to let the Lord fill me where i need to be filled.

i watched the Help the other day & i just love this. . .

"you is smart. you is kind. you is important."

yes. that's true. i do feel like i am all of those things.

and then anxiety & fear & insecurities creep in. and they tell me

"you are mean. and dumb. and clearly not as important as those around you."

i know that's not truth, or from the Lord, but it's hard to dig yourself out from those thoughts.

and that's what ive been trying to do lately. just dig myself out. to be kind when others are not. to listen to the truth when it is spoken into my life.

i find that when my heart is in the right place, & when im kind with others, i can be a little kinder towards myself.

so, there it is. my alarm will go off at 615am & i will leave here at 650. i'll sip my coffee & take a few moments to be kind to myself & to allow the Lord to fill me with what i need for the day.

id appreciate your prayers & kind thoughts. i know they work. ive felt them.

cheers to you all~
L

ps: thanks to my husband & bff for walking closely through this with me. thanks for telling me truth & kindness when i need it most~