my mind is flooded with thoughts today. im not even sure where to begin.


i was going to type up a bunch of different words that would describe how i feel, but the one that i keep coming back to is "hurt." i hate that word. a lot. however, that is not the theme of this post... or at least im hoping not.


this past Sunday was Palm Sunday. the day where little kids parade up & down the aisle with palm branches in hand. the day we celebrate Jesus riding into town on a donkey, while palm branches are placed on the road before Him. 


i found it veny interesting this year. ive always enjoyed Holy Week. i only grew up really celebrating Palm Sunday & Easter, but as ive gotten older im more aware of the week & what it truly means.


a friend of mine emailed me a link that he thought i would like. it was regarding Palm Sunday & it gave me, not necessarily a different perspective on it, but it definitely made me think. heck, it even made me dig out my bible & do a little research on my own. 


after i had read the article (click here to read it) immediately went to the dictionary & looked up the word "hosanna." here's what dictionary.com says: (an exclamation, originally an appeal to god for deliverance,used in praise of God or Christ.)


Hmm. that was pretty interesting to me. what was even more interesting to me was the fact that their cries & shouts spoke of deliverance. they wanted to be freed from the Romans, and they thought that this was the man that was going to do that. 


here's where it gets interesting...


just days... DAYS later the same people are gathered around crying & shouting out. but not what you would expect. what came from their mouths was anything but the sweet sounding word "hosanna." 


"Which if the two do you want me to release to you?" asked the governor.
"Barabbas," they answered.
"What shall I do, then, with Jesus who is called Christ?" Pilate asked.
They all answered, "Crucify him!"
"Why? What crime has he committed?" asked Pilate.
But they shouted all the louder, "Crucify him!" -Matthew 27:21-23


what a far cry from the words of praise & deliverance that they had asked for just days earlier.


but its true. and its still applied to everyone & everything today. isnt that what we ask for? deliverance from our problems. from our circumstances. from our hurt? yet what do we do to the thing that can quite possibly save us the most? we yell for it to be crucified. or we ignore it. or we somehow tell ourselves that God is obviously not looking out for what we want.


i know that i am completely guilty of that. i had emailed a friend the other day & had said a couple of things that i am, for some odd reason, going to share with you. The conversation went like this:


" Its been a good day today, but my mind is riding the merry-go-round of life. Ive been praying so much lately... wondering what the Lord is doing or going to do. Im a bit frustrated, because I am a person who needs reasons... answers... and I don't feel as if im completely getting them from the Lord. He probably has a great reason for it, but come ON!"-Me


"just keep being patient, and God will give you your answers. whether they'll 

be what your hoping or looking for, that's up to Him. nonetheless, they'll be revealed in time." -My friend

"... the Lord is tricky I feel like sometimes!" -me

Yes. i know that the Lord is good. and i know that He hears us & listens & acts. but it got me thinking. 

what about my life or my circumstances am i not seeing? is the Lord trying to do something else here? the people were crying out to Jesus to save them from the Romans. but He didnt. not at that moment. He did something greater than that. He saved them from themselves. He saved them from their circumstances. all of them. He was doing a new thing and it was something that could not been seen. 

so im sitting here before i get ready for work wondering. wondering & asking myself what could some of those situations be in my life? what am i missing? what bigger picture is out there that i just dont have the vision to see? im not quite sure, and honestly, as a person who has perfect vision (yeah be jealous) its a bit annoying. im THAT person who needs to either know (or at least guess at) what's coming next in a movie. before i get invested in a character, i sometimes need to know if i should get invested in them or not. because if they die i will feel robbed. so this whole "not being able to see the big picture" thing gets a little irritating to me. like i said earlier "He probably has a great reason for it, but come ON!" that's how ive been feeling on a regular basis. not necessarily lost, but as if im waiting for the next clue. and i am not a patient person when it comes to things like that.

so there you have it. i feel as if this year's Holy week is shaping & molding more than ever before. im not completely caught up in it, and i havent immersed myself in it as much as i have before, but i am aware. and open. and i can tell that the Lord is stirring something in me whether i know what it is or not. 

so all i really know & can do is just keep praying that the Lord will show me & guide me. and maybe even cut me a little slack & give me a pair of glasses to put on. if only for a moment~

courageously crying "Hosanna",

lauren