ok. so i started a blog post earlier today, stopped it, & here i am starting a brand new one...

so this fear thing. i blogged about it last time, but unfortunately it has sort of developed into a constant thing in my life. and i really do not like it. at all.

it's robbing me of joy in my life. it is taking my life & adding a new yoke to it. and it is not light.

i am thankful for a great new season in my life... i am surrounded by friends who love me & who care for me. im thankful for new adventures & new people who are bringing me joy. im thankful that i am no longer a slave to guilt (well, for the most part) and that i have a great church to go to. im thankful for so many things...

and then here comes the but. but this... but that...

i dont want those. i just want to be able to sit back & enjoy the good & beautiful things that are in my life. i dont want my rational (and sometimes irrational) fears to get in my way.

i want to live my life! and enjoy it! i want to take this new season & just love it for everything that it is!

im dating someone that i really like. and it's fun! who doesnt want to enjoy that?!

im surrounded by friends who love me for me! who gets that in this lifetime?! i want to enjoy that!

i dont want to walk around like a little kid who cant function in this life.

i want to live my life! i know too many people who are sitting back & letting their fear ruin their lives & the lives of those around them.

im not living like that. i refuse to. that has never been the life ive wanted. and its not the life i was made to live.

so. there's that. that's what im feeling & i really dont like it. i want to be done with it.

fortunately i have tools that i can use. thankfully, i am surrounded by people who love me & want the best for me. and who have had more than enough patience & grace for me.

Hmm... i wonder if that's part of it. im afraid that eventually that grace will run out...

anyway. unfortunately, these things take time. and i am not a very patient person. i want to just be done with this fear thing right now.

but i guess that's where i have to just sit & let the Lord work. i know that the Lord will give me what i need when i need it. i know that...

i just got a text from my dearest friend...

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything pray with thanksgiving in your heart. And the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ."


im so thankful for her~

im thankful that i have people in my life who have my back.

and now i realize that ive used the word "im" a lot today. sorry about that... maybe next post it'll be something a little different...

thanks for listening my dear readers~