so. i love watching the Lord of the Rings on a nice wintery day. there's something about a nice long movie on a cold day, & watching it while being wrapped up in a blanket. its wonderful~

anyway. i was watching the first one & it came to the middle where they are fleeing from the monster/demon guy that is in some sort of a cave-castle type thing (sorry. i wish i knew the technical names for all of these places).

anyway. Gandolff was standing up to the demon-guy & speaking magical words full of power to somehow try & stop the being from crossing.

anyway. the part that follows is maybe my favorite part in the entire trilogy. Gandolff raises his staff & speaks words filled with power & emotion. and truth...

"You shall not pass!"

there is something about that statement that is attempting to find it's place within me as i type this. i know that my thoughts are a bit jumbled & scattered, but this is what they are.

i wish that i had something like that in my life... a Gandolff who could stand up the forces that are up against me & not allow them to pass.

ive been having strange dreams lately. the other night i hung out with the bf. i fell asleep while we were watching tv & slipped into a a sleep willed with dreams. i was dreaming one of the most terrifying dreams that ive had in awhile, & when i woke up he was watching something with creepy music in the background. i had a hard time breathing & it took me awhile to shake those thoughts from my mind.

maybe im processing through things. maybe im not letting fear escape in my waking mind, so im needing to let it out through dreams? im not quite sure... maybe im just over-thinking it all? im not sure.

there are a lot of things going on and i feel like all of it has been thrown up in the air & i just have to wait for it to drop down & see what happens. i have a hard time with that. i am a planner & like knowing how things are going to go or turn out or... the list goes on.

so. there's all of that. im finishing the night off with the new episode of the big bang theory & hoping for a restful night's sleep.

thanks for reading~
L

this is what i needed today. listen to the song & read the lyrics. maybe they'll change your life a little, too~

(click the link for the video)

L

If I Stand

Rich Mullins

There's more that rises in the morning 

Than the sun 

And more that shines in the night Than just the moon It's more than just this fire here That keeps me warm In a shelter that is larger Than this room

And there's a loyalty that's deeper 

Than mere sentiments 

And a music higher than the songs That I can sing The stuff of Earth competes For the allegiance I owe only to the giver Of all good things

CHORUS: 

So if I stand let me stand on the promise 

That you will pull me through And if I can't, let me fall on the grace That first brought me to You And if I sing let me sing for the joy That has born in me these songs And if I weep let it be as a man Who is longing for his home

There's more that dances on the prairies 

Than the wind 

More that pulses in the ocean Than the tide There's a love that is fiercer Than the love between friends More gentle than a mother's When her baby's at her side

And there's a loyalty that's deeper 

Than mere sentiments 

And a music higher than the songs That I can sing The stuff of Earth competes For the allegence I owe only to the Giver Of all good things

CHORUS(2x)

And if I weep let it be as a man 

Who is longing for his home

so. ive been debating if i want to right a "holiday recap" post, or if i wanted to skip past that & post about something else that ive had on my mind.

meh. that's how i feel about it all. i dont really have that big of a writing bug. i have things that i want to say, but at the same time i dont really have much to report.

im still alive. im still on the hunt for a job. im still dating the bf (hey! thats a good thing!) im still... here i guess.

still feeling out of sorts a bit. attempting to find the place that i belong. i know that everyone feels like that at some point in their lives... if not more than once. i just dont like it. i know that youre probably supposed to be learning new things & attempting to somehow get your life together... but its not necessarily all that exciting.

but, like i said. im still alive, so that's gotta count for something, right?

anyway. christmas was good thing year. long. eventful. tiring. stressful. exciting. new. etc. it was nice to see family. meet new people. enjoy the not-so-cold winter.

haha, the one day that i actually needed to travel, it decided to snow. thankfully once the cities were reached, it stopped. but that did not stop us from hitting the ditch on the way home from MI. thankfully i have a quick-reacting/thinking bf who didnt freak out as we almost drove into oncoming traffic. and thankfully we didnt get stuck. he was pretty impressed that i sorta just sat there & didnt freak out. i guess we're2 somewhat level-headed people. i was impressed by the both of us.

we had a great drive back. the drive there was very tiring as we both had very little sleep the night before. but, like i said... the drive back was fun. played a lil q&a. ate food. stopped at bathrooms. ran inside as fast as we could because it was so freaking cold.

it was fun. i think he maybe even enjoyed it, too :)

anyway. that's about all of the exciting news that ive got.

i think we're going to a basketball game soon. like couple days soon. score one for this girl! im super pumped. i love a good ol' bball game :)

anyway. thats really all ive go. i hope that you all had a wonderful christmas & a merry new year.

next up for holidays? February... blah. thankfully ive got 25 days to mentally prepare.

oh. enjoy the couple of christmas pics.

peace & blessings.

L

 (my "soxy" christmas socks.

(yep. i made those.)

(we enjoy spunkiness sometimes.)