so. i love watching the Lord of the Rings on a nice wintery day. there's something about a nice long movie on a cold day, & watching it while being wrapped up in a blanket. its wonderful~

anyway. i was watching the first one & it came to the middle where they are fleeing from the monster/demon guy that is in some sort of a cave-castle type thing (sorry. i wish i knew the technical names for all of these places).

anyway. Gandolff was standing up to the demon-guy & speaking magical words full of power to somehow try & stop the being from crossing.

anyway. the part that follows is maybe my favorite part in the entire trilogy. Gandolff raises his staff & speaks words filled with power & emotion. and truth...

"You shall not pass!"

there is something about that statement that is attempting to find it's place within me as i type this. i know that my thoughts are a bit jumbled & scattered, but this is what they are.

i wish that i had something like that in my life... a Gandolff who could stand up the forces that are up against me & not allow them to pass.

ive been having strange dreams lately. the other night i hung out with the bf. i fell asleep while we were watching tv & slipped into a a sleep willed with dreams. i was dreaming one of the most terrifying dreams that ive had in awhile, & when i woke up he was watching something with creepy music in the background. i had a hard time breathing & it took me awhile to shake those thoughts from my mind.

maybe im processing through things. maybe im not letting fear escape in my waking mind, so im needing to let it out through dreams? im not quite sure... maybe im just over-thinking it all? im not sure.

there are a lot of things going on and i feel like all of it has been thrown up in the air & i just have to wait for it to drop down & see what happens. i have a hard time with that. i am a planner & like knowing how things are going to go or turn out or... the list goes on.

so. there's all of that. im finishing the night off with the new episode of the big bang theory & hoping for a restful night's sleep.

thanks for reading~
L