Music

So, as many of you know, i am a huge fan of music. I listen to basically all kinds of music, minus psychotic country music. im kind of a snob that way.


Anyway, the music that i grew up on was christian music. steven curtis chapman, audio adrenaline, dc talk, michael w. smith, plus one, etc. the list could go on forever, but i would like to keep this post to hopefully under 1000 words!


Anyway, i remember starting to listen to "secular" music, and kind of being scandalized by it. Sometimes they would say crap in a song, or venture out even further with more colorful words. i remember one day hearing a song with a rather colorful title. She sang it, and i was mortified that that word could be used on the radio...


i still listened to christian music, but really loved all of this other "worldly" music that was out there. there was nothing wrong with some of it. it was usually boy meets girl. fall in love. have a glitch in the romance. then beautifully end up together with 2 part harmony, and a rousing bridge. what song with that plot doesnt sound great?! i enjoyed hanson, nsync, backstreet boys, jessica simpson, etc. the list went on. but not only that, i enjoyed older music that my dad had brought into our lives. there was a definite moment growing up where it switched from strictly all christian music to music that my parents grew up with... i loved it. i remember sitting in the living room and singing along with the three dog night commercial for their greatest hits cd... i remember opening up the stereo cabinet and being able to listen to them. it was wonderful. it was so fun to sing along with them~


Ok, needing to move on...


i remember having moments of confusion as i got older as to why certain music was good, and other music was bad. now, i wasnt getting this from my parents but from different areas around me... 


why cant i listen to music from the 60s?! i love it! it has a great beat! i really enjoyed it! it was so conflicting for me that i remember making a conscious decision to only listen to christian music because that was the right thing to do, and i knew that by only allowing that into my life, i would be a better christian for it.


Lets fast forward a few years... lets fast forward to the years where i began shedding certain images of myself. i didnt want to be the stuffy christian anymore, so of course the first thing to go was my christian music. by ridding myself of it, i was proving to everyone that i wasnt a "crazy christian" and that i wasnt going to always condemn them to hell for not listening to the right type of music. this was my first taste of freedom. picking out music because i liked it. 


However, in the process i seemed to lose a part of myself... deep down i really did enjoy my other music. i missed it. i missed that feeding from the LORD. I missed how it made me feel, and how it stirred and moved me and my heart to greater things....


but i had to do it to separate myself from the more "radical christians." (And yes, as i am typing this im feeling a bit sheepish. however, im just being honest with how i was feeling at the time. i promise this will end well~)


So lets fast forward a few more years. I have met my best friend T and her and her family's love of music, great music, has now influenced me. They listen to all sorts of music, and are deeply involved in the christian music world. So, how can they listen to both sorts of music? How is that ok? Ive gone through this roller coaster of life, and have tried making them both come together but i cant figure out how.


And then they introduced me to music that now stirs and moves my heart. Artists like Andrew Peterson, Randall Goodgame, Jill Phillips, Rich Mullins...


but they also introduce me to Mumford & Sons, Fleet Foxes, Coldplay, John Mayer...


and the music of all of the above artists speaks to me in different yet similar ways.. Their lyrics move my heart and my soul to not only feel greater things, but also force me to think in a way that i had never thought about music. To think of music as poetry, and not always something that you can groove to. Or sometimes, a groovy tune that makes me think. how amazing is that?


So where am i now? How is this relevant to my life today? As ive blogged before, music feeds me more than food, and i am thankful for that...


the other day a facebook friend had blogged about something (to be honest, i would have to read it again to remember... sorry!) and i had randomly decided to email him and suggest some music. I suggested some great christian music that i love and that moves me. That same morning i decided to throw on my suggestions and just have another listen of them on my way to work. How beautiful it was. How wonderful to be filled with the Spirit on my way to work. And to be perfectly honest, that is all i have been listening to these past few nights. Yes, if i really want to belt it out and jam in my car, i'll throw on some Glee, but thats about it. Other than that it has been music that has been filling me and feeding me to the point where im feeling like im doing ok. Im at a point where im maybe wanting to read my bible for fun as opposed to me feeling like i have to... what a relief! What a wonderful feeling of joy that is flowing through me. 


I love it when i can get back to my roots of who i truly am. In the midst of life, many parts of who i truly am have gotten lost, and im so thankful that they are just lost and not gone and forgotten. They're there, and im searching to find them. Some have been easier to find than others, and some are still lost, but not forgotten.... and i am so thankful for that.


So there you have it. i have been listening to great music lately that has been feeding me, whether it be christian or secular...


I picked up Jason Gray's "Everything Sad is Coming Untrue" again... im so thankful for it these days. Its just another reminder that not everything is lost. that things can be ok again... and that they ARE ok... even more than ok....


courageously singing,
lauren