ok. i feel as if i have been lying to the both of us since the last time i updated my blog. 


underneath my picture, there is an excerpt from a poem written my Mary Oliver from Thirst, a book of poems. (the title is More Beautiful than the Honey Locust Tree Are the Words of the Lord #7.)


i love that poem. i love the whole book. it was my entry point into her writings, & it will always hold a special place in my heart. 


anyway. sometimes that is how i feel. sometimes, when im at my lowest of lows and know that im as small as i can be, that is all that i want. to be the smallest stone in a ring worn by those who are brave. 


and then there are times where i just want to live the biggest life that the Lord will give me. 


i told a friend that i wanted to live a big life... he told me that he knew i wanted that. that i wanted something bigger & better in my life. and that i could have just that. (i hope you know who you are~)


anyway. that's what i want. i want to live a big life. and i know the cost of it. i know that it will not be easy. but i feel like im ready for it. ready for something greater than myself. 


So. back to the point of this post. i feel that by putting out there that i would be content with something anything less than what i want, is not what is true to me or my heart. and every time i go to type up a post, i see that excerpt & it just doesnt sit right with me. 


so. what do i decide to do?


i decide to bear my heart just a little bit more. thats what i do. i share my heart in hopes that someone. . . anyone. . . can be blessed by it. or learn or grow from it. to maybe learn from my mistakes. or my little stories that i have to bring.


so there it is. its a "lauren original." and its my heart. so be gentle. its a fragile thing. but its big. and has moments of strength. 


thank you dear readers for challenging me. . . even when you dont even know it~


courageously telling the truth,
lauren