Well, it's late & i should be asleep. but im not. instead im downing the sleepy-time tea in hopes of it working its magic~!

That being said... i need to mark the moment. there are certain times in my life where i need to take a breath, step back, & remember what's going on.

So...

something is going on within me. i feel like there's something greater at work in me. i spent some of my day organizing & straightening & just trying to get my ducks in a row. something you do before you go somewhere or do something new.

by the end of the day i felt like there was a bit more free space in my life. and throughout the night its almost as if the good Lord Himself has been filling that space up... with love. grace. kindness. mercy. the Holy Spirit. those sorts of things.

i dont have these moments often & when i do i know how fleeting they are. so im wanting to just enjoy it for what it is & be in the moment. if there's something that the Lord has for me, i dont want to miss it. I dont necessarily care what it is because i know that it's out of the Lord's heart. 

a couple of years ago a friend & i had gone to the local christian store & purchased 2 rosaries, one for each of us. we had read an essay about how running the beads through your fingers while reciting a verse just brings a sort of peace that runs through you. That the presence of the Lord somehow comes upon you & maybe you can go on for a few more minutes. we found them at a time of extreme need. 

i removed the cross from my beads as it was easier to wear & it was nice to be able to just throw my cross in my pocket in moments where i needed it. 

I still wear my beads as a necklace (it's a favorite of mine) but it has been awhile since ive really used my cross & just let it work in & through me.

Well, while organizing today i came across it. i was really excited about it & really felt that it was appointed by the Lord. 

Right now it is sitting on my bed right next to me & it will move to my nightstand while i sleep. then tomorrow i will put it in my pocket & let it walk with me through the day & maybe. just maybe. it will speak a little more life back into me.

to be extremely honest these last couple of weeks have been really hard for me. ive sort of crawled into myself & just havent wanted to be extremely social. ive felt attacked & have definitely been harder on myself than i have been in awhile. insecurities have risen up in me again & i couldnt even sit by myself in a restaurant without wanting to crawl out of my skin. what in the world?! im completely capable of that! its one of those things that i love to do! i just think that brick on top of brick decided to pile up & box me in.

so maybe that's where im at. maybe im just breaking through them slowly. or quickly. 

so. that's where im at. im feeling just a little closer to the Lord, but it's obviously enough to change something within me. 

(on a complete sidenote some of you might have noticed that im signing out different. yes. i am. i feel like this blog is slowly evolving. my stories are a bit different & it's more about just being real. i might change the site name, but who knows? for now ill just stick with changing up the signature.)

thanks for reading~

L