Alright. 

so ive been wanting to blog about lent for awhile now, but have been very conflicted. i dont always have the right words to say & sometimes the things that i do say come out... well. not ok. 

kindness & grace are welcome.

so, this year i gave up alcohol. my reasons? i wanted to be able to do brave things. hard things. without having to always have liquid courage to go along with it.

so. ive been having hard conversations, going on ferris wheels, etc. as simple as they may seem, they have been extremely difficult for me.

anyway. i have a confession to make: i have broken my lenten fast of alcohol. situations come up, conversations get hard, situations become more than i can handle.

so. one night i celebrated a birthday with a woodchuck. another night i drank 3 sips to scotch to calm my nerves so that i wouldnt be sick. and the other night i had some wine to celebrate a new job for the bf. 

i know that this may seem like a copout, but ive learned a few things about myself through this. ive learned that i can be brave on my own. ive learned that when i say things, that i mean them even if i am sober! 

there have been a few times these past few weeks... days... that ive been really proud of myself. that my honesty isnt always because of the liquid courage coursing through my blood. that's huge for me!

another thing that ive learned about is grace. i know that i broke my fast, but im pretty sure there's grace for that. i know that there's grace for that.

i heard a quote once that said grace isnt being taught properly if it's not being abused. 

now im not using that an excuse, im saying it maybe to make you think.

if there are rules & regulations attached to grace, then what is it? law? rules? 

it's not grace. that's all there is to it.

So. im going to continue to rest in the grace & kindness of the Lord, and be so extremely thankful that He is the one who is filled with that. im completely & utterly human. imperfect & fully aware that my grace runs out. 

so, here's to grace. and me being honest that i will have a drink with the bf on saturday to celebrate his birthday. i wont be having a drink at his actual party, because i know that i need to work on not needing the liquid courage around big groups of people. 

but thankfully there's grace for that. 

and thankfully there's club soda & delicious simple syrups.