alright. lots of thoughts are brewing in my mind.

wedding plans. where we're going to live. my ical. work. life. all of the events that i have going on.

i am starting to panic. ok, that's a lie. i have been panicking. for awhile.

my moh finally gave me permission (because yes, i needed it) to just cry & breakdown when i needed to. to freak out when i felt like it, & to simply feel my emotions. sometimes, that is a very difficult thing for me to do especially when i think that i shouldnt be feeling the ridiculous emotions that i do.

anyway. i did a lot of thinking today while at work. a lot of thinking. processing through things that i had said the pervious night that had hurt someone's feelings. . . and just feeling sick about it & trying to figure out how those things work. how grace & kindness & forgiveness actually work.

i was listening to a playlist i had made and a random song came on, but it went within me & did something to me. it found a vulnerable place within me & i knew that i couldnt deny the work that was going on.

so. im attempting to walk through that & figure out what that means for me right now.

i dont like being uncomfortable. i also dont like constantly being the one who is seeking out people, attempting to build bridges, & having to be the one who starts that. there's something about that that prevents me from moving forward. period.

anyway. at the end of the day, i know there is grace. i know that the Lord is good. and kind.

so i wait upon the Lord. i wait for the green light or the red light or whatever else it may be.

the Lord knows me & knows me heart, and i think that counts for something.

until then, i will continue to eat dinner & watching a top chef or two.

until we meet again, my dear readers~