do you ever feel as if you've been duped by the world?
or perhaps, by yourself?
your thoughts & ideas & ambitions & longings & great ideas & everything else you once thought were wonderful, are simply just another thing to check off your list?
maybe it's not that ive dubed myself, but rather ive just gotten tired of such things.
the thought of nannying makes me cringe now, but i have fond memories of it earlier.
the thought of staying at home & cleaning & not having a job. (im an extrovert. i need people.)
now dont get me wrong, i enjoy these things, but my younger self is to blame.
i wonder if we all feel that way sometimes.
usually i feel that i've let my younger self down & now i feel as if the roles are reversing.
i dreamt of great things that i thought were attainable.
however, i am currently not winning an academy award or a grammy.
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but maybe it's what i needed at the time? something to look forward to. something to dream about while i spent my nights babysitting or reading a book or whatever else i did when i was younger.
maybe those thoughts & dreams were my escape.
either way it's still annoying. and no matter which way you turn it, i feel misled by my dreaming 13 year old self.
who thought she'd be married to an NBA star (boy am i glad that didnt work out).
there really is no point to this post other than to mark the moment. to almost feel relief that im where i should be (i hope) no matter how swindled i feel.
i'll still keep dreaming unrealistic dreams.
and in another 10 years, i'll say the same things again~
L
4 comments:
Dreaming unrealistic dreams is safe because if you don't achieve them, that's ok, because they weren't realistic anyways.
Try dreaming about realistic things and then go after them with everything you've got. Sure, it's scarier, but it's a hell of a lot more fun.
Take a class or 2 at a community college. See what sparks your interest and meet new people.
the thought of staying at home & cleaning & not having a job. (im an extrovert. i need people.)
Curious-did you forget to add something here-or am I just missing something? Would love to hear more about this.
Most people have dreams and expectations - many of them being unrealistic. As we get older we realize which ones were really important and which ones weren't. Which ones to hang on to and which ones to let go of.
Marriage is a huge life change and it's natural that you'll feel a little unsettled as you adjust to married life and finding a new normal.
There also usually comes a moment when we realize that marriage doesn't meet all our needs like we thought it would. It's easy to wonder if this is all there is. Turning those thoughts over to God helps us to realize that ultimately God is the only one who can meet all our needs. As nice as having a spouse is, only God can truly fill the holes in our hearts.
Speaking of spouses - when are you going to post wedding pictures?
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