fear has been show its face a lot lately.

i usually go through spurts where im not able to sleep at night. those spurts usually last a couple of weeks or so, & are then followed by nights/days of extreme exhaustion as my body is attempting to catch up with what it has lost. 

i find that happening lately, but it seems a lot different than it has before. 

what usually keeps me awake is just being wide awake. my mind races with thoughts that are completely unstoppable, but that could wait until the next day. or i lie awake & think about the next day's events & how to make a good plan for them. 

that's not the case this time. what keeps me awake at night has been fear & anxiety as to what could possibly happen while im trying to fall asleep or while im actually sleeping. 

im not one for watching scary movies or tv shows. at night my dreams are very vivid & some can be terrifying, so why would i add fuel to the fire?

however, if i have seen a scary movie or show, it's right before i start falling asleep where all of those thoughts creep into my mind & attempt to overpower me. 

i try everything that i know to do. i pray in Jesus' name. i try to get my mind to switch gears & think about happier things. 

but that hasnt been working lately. 

so, i'll take a sleep aid & walk groggily through the next day. 

but i dont want to do that either. 

the other day i remembered a verse i had learned when i was just a little kiddo at bible camp. it was the theme verse & the first verse i really remember memorizing & having it actually stick with me. 

"God hasn't given us a spirit of fear. But of power, and of love & of a sound mind." -2 Timothy 1:7

I can still see the puppets they used to help us memorize it. heck, i can still hear them saying it like it was yesterday!

the point is, that is a verse that i have had on my heart a lot lately & im glad that i remember it. i need to say it to myself daily as a reminder to not have fear. . . to not be afraid. 

so here's to a spirit of power. a spirit of love. and a sound mind.