this is going to be a quickly typed post, so please excuse the millions of errors that will occur.

im watching 7th Heaven (i love reruns of this show) & it's an episode that touches on the topic of how men treat women. pinching butts, calling names, and lack of respect in general.

i completely broke down. 

all of these thoughts & accusations & offenses came rushing back into my mind in a split second. names that i have been called, whether to my face or behind my back. texts written about me (and to me) by men AND women. 

the thing is, i know that these names are NOT OK to be used, but we are so desensitized to what is going on around us. 

women call other women names. men call women names. women call men names. 

what is with that? 

when did we think it was OK to do these things to other people.

i remember being called names starting in kindergarten.

and it has continued ever since.

i've heard conversations where the person has purposefully spoken so i could hear the hateful words said about me.

i was the only member not allowed into the "lauren hating club" in 1st grade. probably because they didnt want me in it. . . 

ive been referred to as the crazy wife of a very famous band from the 60s. 

i have been called a bitch more times than i can count.

but i'm not innocent either. 

ive said my fair share of words that i know have hurt people's feelings.

i have referred to a girl as a name i wish i wouldnt have.

im not always the nicest when it comes to things i say to my husband.

im not saying im perfect.

but i hope to be. and strive to be.

be kind. please.

it's not easy. 

and when confronted with hatred, it's easier to be hateful back.

i find that when i have a hard time with someone, i dont pray for them.

i pray for myself. 

that my heart will be changed. 

that i will be able to love as the Lord continues to love me.

and it's one of the hardest things that i do.

but it's good, too.

i feel my heart actually changing.

i feel my soul & mind being filled with love & kindness.

yes, there are wounds that are deeper & a lot harder to heal.

and like i said earlier, im not perfect & dont claim to be.

but i try. really i do. 

and i think it's a start. and that it counts for something.

so here's to kindness.

kind actions.

kind words.

kind thoughts.

not only for others, but for yourself as well.

loving your neighbors as yourself means that you need to love yourself, too.

thanks for reading.

love really does win.