Alright. So im sitting here with another blog post stirring. a friend emailed me, & said that he was behind on my readings already. Well buddy, looks like im leaving you behind for a little bit longer! :)


Anyway, i blogged about holy week last time, & im still at it. This time, however, it started with Lady Gaga & the women of the View. what?! yes. ill explain.


This morning i was watching the View (hey. its a good show sometimes alright?!) and they brought up the controversy surrounding Lady Gaga's new song "Judas." If you have not heard, she released this song earlier this week. What everyone's enraged about, im not sure. i mean, i get it, but someone at any given time is going to stir up controversy. Anyway... 


they started talking about predestination vs. free will right there on daytime tv! I was a bit intrigued, & decided to keep watching. they were talking about Judas & Whoopi Goldberg said, "the only person who didnt have a choice was judas. without him having done what he did everything else could not have followed. he's doing what he had to do."


Now, free will & predestination are the last of my concerns right now, but it definitely got me to thinking, and once again it brought me to my researching nerd that is in me. What is it about Judas that stirs up such strong emotions in me... and NOT the emotions that you may be thinking. I felt compassion for him... grace... sadness...


"When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty silver coins to the chief priests and the elders. 'I have sinned,' he said, 'for I have betrayed innocent blood." (matt. 27:3,4)


Here's the part that really sticks into my mind. What Whoopi had said earlier about how everything else that followed could not have been...


Judas' story had to be a part of this. Peter's betrayal had to be a part of this story. without those things, the prophecy would not have been fulfilled...complete...So who am i to judge? 


The thing that's interesting then is the thought about Judas & him being possessed or having a hardened heart, or what have you.  Here's the thing. a man is a man. a woman is a woman. a human is a human. i believe that God has grace & love for all... ALL. everyone. 


So what do i think that means for Judas? I think that means that the Lord has grace for everyone. Everyone. i think that by saying that there is no grace for him, that is saying that there's no grace for me. because then we would be talking about how one sin is greater than another, and i just dont agree with or believe that. 


So, what am i trying to say? Well, im probably offending a lot of you. And if not, im sorry for saying that i did. However, i truly believe that the Lord had & has grace for Judas. i think that the Lord knew his heart the same way that He knows mine. im not a bad person, but yes... i make mistakes. some bigger than others. but mistakes nonetheless. and yes, i know & believe that there is grace there. So if that can be said for me, than the same must be said for him. there must be grace for him... 


Yes, it's a part of the story. Yes, it's a tragic part of it. But yet, it's one that needs to be told. and it's one that we would not be able to do without. 


So who knows? not me. Who cares? Well, that's tricky... i do. i believe that if there is grace for me, then there is grace for everyone. 


im not sure what im trying to say or what im trying to let out into the world. but i do know this. the Lord is still working in my life & i can FEEL it. i can SENSE it. I know that the Lord is maybe doing something great... im not sure. but i do know this: if i believe that there is enough grace for me, then there is was enough grace for Judas.


In the words of Frederick Buechner... "In any case, it's a scene to conjure with. Once again they met in the shadows, the two old friends, both of them a little worse for the wear after all that had happened, only this time it was Jesus who was the one to give the kiss, and this time it wasn't the kiss of death that was given." (Daily Words)


so there you have it. im asking tough questions. and getting answers. who cares whether theyre right or not. i know that the Lord will change my heart if it needs to be~


courageously blogging about Judas instead of making out with boys,
lauren