Ok. I probably shouldnt be writing this right now. I can feel my heart racing & my adrenaline pumping. i feel irritated & annoyed.
Before i was signing off my computer to read the latest book that im reading, i noticed a video that someone had posted on facebook. a video about modesty & what guys think about it. Ok. i was intrigued. i grew up in a christian home & church & know all about that. so i decided to watch the video.
Bad Idea.
im sorry. i have definite issues with the church & how they go about teaching modesty to women. I remember being in youth group when i was in jr high & basically being told that if i showed ANY type of skin on my stomach, or above my knee, that i was just asking guys to look at me wrong. Oh, and also that i was causing the guys at my youth group to stumble. and that it was my fault because i wore those types of clothes.
Ok. Lets back this train up, shall we? HELLO?! Since when am i responsible for someone else's thoughts? when did that happen?!
This past weekend i went up to the cities with my dear friend, & one of the goals was swimsuit shopping. I havent gotten a new swimsuit in years, & was ready for a great 2 piece swim suit. preferably one that wasnt going to be perfect for a christian summer camp.
awful. the whole experience was awful. i will be the first to say that i have a pretty not ok self-image. i do not see the truth when i look at myself. plain & simple. am i working on it? yes. am i completely blaming anyone for it? not quite...
i get what the video is saying. i understand that that is a struggle for most guys. however. that is not my sole responsibility in this life. that should not have been taught to me the way that it was. instead it made me feel like a whore whenever i wore something even remotely risque. 10 or more years later and i still have to ask my friend if its OK to wear an amazingly cute dress to church EVEN IF it happens to fall an inch above the knee.
Now im not necessarily the kind of person to draw lines (at least im working on it...) but come on. If there has to be one drawn, where should it be? Yes. Women should be able to wear clothes. great clothes. cute clothes. APPROPRIATE CLOTHES FOR THE LOCATION. I get all of those things. Im not going to show up at church wearing a short mini-skirt with a tube top & hooker boots (however i do wear my boots almost every sunday...). But what if someone does? should we look down upon them and tell them that they need to change because "they are causing men to stumble?" NO! That would be so completely wrong... but it happens. The looks of judgment are there. Ill admit that im sometimes guilty about that. Of course i still have that seed of judgment in there. But if i judge them i have to judge myself as well.
Ok. So i only watched part of the video, because i had to stop. there was a line in it that said this:
"Girls, before you go out you need to have your dad screen your wardrobe."
Ok. so then can i add a quote of my own?
"Guys, before you go out with a girl can you have your mom screen your thoughts & motives before you ask that girl out?"
OR
"Guys, can you have your moms check out your personality to make sure that youre not a complete asshole before you say things or make promises that you cant keep?"
Yes. i may be a bit bitter. i would prefer broken-hearted. maybe not even that. just hurt.
HOWEVER.
That still does not justify anything. Im sorry. i may be completely stepping on toes right now, but i can say that a lot of my self-image has to do with that.
i truly feel that if we can teach girls to be comfortable in their skin & with their sexuality, things could be a lot different. maybe even better. instead we tell girls that they have to hide their bodies because guys cant deal with it.
so what about the girls who make themselves sick after meals? do we tell them to stay away from bathrooms? what about the girls who struggle with gossip? do we tell them to not talk to any other form of life?
God made women. period. The human form is a beautiful thing, and instead of embracing it for what it is we just dismiss it as wrong & immediately put a label on it & make a law. im sorry, but my life just doesnt work that way anymore.
so here's my theory:
where i should be held responsible, i will take that up and stand by my role. by men... its time to man up. take responsibility for your actions. find a buddy & be accountable. be honest with yourself. be honest with the Lord. just be honest! stop living by your guilt. let the Lord guide you with his grace & mercy to conviction. be wrong! own up to your mistakes and move on. but dont put it back on me. dont make me, or any other girl, take the fall for your thoughts. that was and never has been my responsibility. your thoughts are your own.
so own them.
now. im not perfect. and i can safely say that i will be receiving messages & comments about this topic. and thats great. i would be more than willing to discuss this because i can say that my life has been affected by this in way too many ways. but i can move forward. i can take responsibility for my actions and what i need to do and keep on doing what the Lord has called me to do. I know im not perfect, & i hope i dont come across as that. i just really have a hard time seeing things that i was taught when i was younger, & still seeing it be taught today... KNOWING how it affected & still affects me to this day. im just not ok with that.
courageously rockin' a kickin' bikini this summer,
lauren
12 comments:
:::::Golf claps::::::
I was watching a Nat Geo documentary about a tribe in S. America in which everyone-men and women were naked. They were all comfortable with their bodies, probably because they didn't grow up with all the negative messages we did.
i couldn't finish watching it either. ugh.
i'll bring the sunblock for our bellies! ;)
I'm have a huge opinion when it comes to topics related to this. I agree 100%! Thanks Lauren for speaking your mind, well in my opinion the Damn truth! I may be joining you in my search for a new swim suit this summer, hmm Perhaps a smokin' bikini! ;) And be comfortable with you you are beautiful! Peace out
Hi, don't take this negatively at all, because it isn't. I'm just curious. What is your motive in wearing a bikini, etc.?
Anonymous... maybe it's because one pieces are harder to get off when they're wet & take longer to dry - and a 2pc bikini is painless to get off & dries rather quickly? And on the right figured women, they look good?
I have been the lover of a tankini for years. There are other, more modest options. Yes, you have a point that sometimes people push modesty to the point of not even being able to look cute. This can be damaging, as you touched on. But when there are cute, more modest options, why not? If we are to treat our body as a temple, let's do it.
Anonymous~
i have nothing against tankinis. i grew up in them. theyre super cute & fun. im not saying that theyre not ok by any means. What im saying is that, for this time in my life, theyre just not for me! Theyre not my style. i am old enough where i can make good & healthy decisions for me in any aspect of my life. This is one of those times that im doing so.
And yes. our bodies are temples. but then shouldnt we be watching only good movies? and listening to only good music? and shouldnt we be putting only water & healthy foods into our system? And stay out of the sun of lengthy periods of time? i think that if we are going to be making statements about 1 area of our lives, we should be referring to all of them.
Like i said earlier, there is nothing wrong with tankinis. if you feel comfortable in it and love yourself in it, then wear it! im just trying on a new look for myself, both on the inside & the outside~
I am trying to work on all areas...it's hard! But kudos to you Lauren for trying to question and define things! What a journey we're on.
Definately a time and a place. You where definately taught in Youth group it isn't the time nor the place. Maybe sun-bathing in your backyard or on vacation with your family is..
Youth group is a time in where "Youth" come to have fellowship with one another, experience Christ's love, and learn about God. Not to be influenced to stumble.
You are right about guys should be checking their thoughts and motives..
Matthew 5 states "If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell."
But then..
Matthew 18 states "If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come!"
Oh... and I will be checking on what my daughter's will be wearing...until they're 50!
Peace.
ok. i see where youre coming from with both verses. And i will be the first person to say that i am not perfect, & mess up just as much as everyone else.
That being said. What do we do about someone who struggles with anger while playing games such as football, soccer, etc. Do we tell them that if they are going to struggle with that they maybe they just shouldnt play those sports? No. We tell them that they need to press through & try to work it out. Yes. its hard. No. its not easy by any means.
In the same way. Do we tell someone to not go to a pool or a beach because they cant handle the choices of swimwear that the women decide they can wear? maybe? probably not if its in a sunny climate. we tell them that yes, its difficult, but you need to learn how to make decisions for yourself... to ask the Lord to speak into your life. To SEEK the Lord & trust that He will give us a way up out under it if & when we are tempted.
Its tricky for a girl. Its one of those things that gets focused on to the point where there's too much negative focus & pressure put there.
Im not trying to pick a fight by any means. Im just challenging all of us, including & especially myself, to think about all areas of our lives.
I really really love your exasperation with the view that takes away responsibility for men's actions away from men. If I look and stumble, it's mostly my fault. Your commenter with the two verses had good points, but it feels like the focus is more on "don't wear this or it's your fault if a man lusts for you," rather than teaching responsibility on both sides.
Wearing a bikini doesn't have to result in leering or sin, and if it does, most of the blame goes to the one actually doing the leering or sinning.
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