3 posts in one day?

ugh. yes. that sounds exactly like my day today...

do you ever find yourself "in-between"? im a person who is in-between 2 jeans sizes & its really frustrating. thankfully, this post is not about my jeans & how the ones that im wearing may or may not be fitting at the moment...

what im actually talking about is seasons. not fall, winter, heaven, or spring but rather seasons of life.

i feel like an awkward jr high girl whose body is all grown up but yet she's rather restricted.

i dont fit into season a really well anymore... but im not yet into season b yet either.

i dont really fit into this group here... but i dont really fit into this other group over there.

and im not exactly sure how to go about any of it. i feel as if im walking around not knowing which way is up. and just when i think ive gotten past of a season figured out, it turns out i was wrong. and im not really sure what to do about any of it.

i know that everyone goes through this & its not an age thing by any means.

but i definitely am feeling awkward. out of sorts. i know a few things, but yet i know nothing at all.

its like im all dressed & ready for summer, but spring has to finish itself out first. but im dressed for summer. and i dont want to dig out all of my winter clothes...

so do i just stand my ground & plunge ahead into spring knowing all too well that i am going to freeze? im not quite sure if i can answer that yet.

so instead. i will just continue wandering around being full of conflict. full of knowing what i want, but not really having a tangible way to get at it.

yes, i know waiting & searching & all of those other things are all a part of the journey. i get that & see the merit & beauty in it.

but this isnt like that, i dont think. its more like this. im harvey two-face from the batman movie. im not a bad guy but im also not a good guy. im just going around trying to get the job done with the tools that ive got. granted, his job was revenge but im just using it as a light comparison...

so. there's that. that's just the tip of the iceberg of my thoughts, processing, & sorting for the day.

i wish i could find a place to just fit. haha. michael w. smith's "place in this world" just popped into my head... that's exactly how i feel. yet not quite...

man! and this is just a small glimpse into my psyche! i should say that i am doing quite well. im just running at 100mph...

and it's not helping that im popping up onto people's radars (that i dont necessarily want to be on) and that my dreams are making me go a little crazy.

so. there's all of that. tomorrow me & some friends are heading up to the mall for a bit of christmas shopping. me. shopping. i just crawled out of my skin thinking about it. i know it'll be fun. i just need to focus...

so. once again, thank you all for reading. if any of this makes sense to you, maybe im not so crazy after all!

or maybe we both are...

lgv