Hmm. writing again. a friend of mine sent me a message & said to write again soon. . . pleeeeeeaaasssssse. just like that.

so i figured id give it another go. we'll see what happens.

you know what, im sitting here trying to think of all the things i could write about, & fear is cropping up all over the place. i know i wrote about this before, but maybe i'll write about it again.

im afraid to share my life. im afraid that something will happen & i'll get into trouble. i dont want that to happen. i would hate for that to happen.

but then again, i also flip the other way: i hate meanness. i cannot stand when people say one thing, & then do another.

something that ive learned these past few months is who relationships can switch & then watching to see what happens within those relationships.

have you seen the movie "Miracle"? you know, the one with the USA hockey team? where the coach, Herb Brooks, makes it so that he is everyone's enemy? but then they gather together because of that?

that's how i feel. i have somehow turned into an enemy of a few people, & miraculously people who hated other people are now best friends. why? because they can gather against me.

the thing is, it's ok. . . sometimes.

i think that being up in the city without my core group of friends has been a little tricky. thankfully im married to a man that loves me for me.

but it's still a little difficult.

so. what do  you do about that?

i feel like completely pressing into the Lord. i find myself praying for others who i dont want to pray for. i find myself craving music that will feed my soul. i find myself in moments of vulnerability with the Lord, & it's good.

so im just trying to remind myself of these truths & to be kind & give grace to myself.

that's maybe the most difficult part. ive been reminding myself of loving thy neighbors as thyself.

i just need to remember to love myself.

anyway. i do want to leave you with a song that has been on my heart on & off for the past few weeks & now daily. i just need to make dinner & listen to it over & over. i always need that reminder~

you are loved.
lauren


Jerusalem by Randall Goodgame


"Father God, Holy One, I believe, thy will be done/
Great or small, my portion be/
still I know you fill the sea, you fill the sea/

Chorus:
[I am Jerusalem, I am the temple of the Lord/
I am Jerusalem, I am the temple of the Lord/
Holy of Holies, the Lord dwells within/
Lord God almighty, maker of men/
I am Jersusalem, I am the temple of the Lord/]

And of Aaron's tribe, only a chosen few/
Dare to lift the veil, come and dwell with you/
Then you came to die, oh but not to fail/
Behold the Lamb, the Lamb that tore the veil/

(chorus)

Father God, Holy One, I believe, thy will be done/
From the tempter's charm, spirit hold me sway/
and with the leper's joy, Lord I'll obey, yes I'll obey/
(chorus)